Wednesday, 25 May 2011

Dancing With the DJ

In the newest installment of my effort to bring you songs for summer comes 'Dancing With the DJ'; A sprightly number by B-Roc and JPatt aka The Knocks. Some may recognize them as being responsible for last summer's hit 'Blackout' which is linked below for everyone else's perusal. Also linked and deserving of a spot on your playlist is a hype joint by Poolside.
Check 'em out!

Tuesday, 17 May 2011

Bitches Ain't Shit

This week's anthropological case study comes to us courtesy of Illmaster Mathematics contributor and resident black people expert Johnny Stallion who synopsizes the video below:

We follow presumably chavinistic rapper YG and his compatriots Tyga and Nipsey Hussle around the Crenshaw district of Los Angeles where a block party is in full swing. As they crawl through the streets in their brightly painted lowriders, they assert their statuses by shouting disparaging remarks at passing women. The aspiring socialites don't really mind though, and so the rappers continue their tour of the neighbourhood, stopping from time-to-time to mingle with the partygoers. Finally, with the po' hovering ominously overhead, the festivities are suspended for the night.


I've been a Justice fan since the early days. I've been to every show and every set that's come around my parts.. And I must have seen their mini-doc 'A Cross the Universe' a dozen times. After what feels like years but has really been only 4, The French duo of Gaspard Augé and Xavier de Rosnay are finally preparing to release a follow-up to their stellar debut album. Only one single has been released so far, but this banger was featured in an Adidas commercial with more than a handful of high profile cameos. It's definitely one of the better ads I've seen in a while- with high production values for captivating visuals and obviously a killer soundtrack. Check it out below:

Monday, 16 May 2011

Essay #1

Well ladies and gentlemen, we have our first submission! This one comes to us from Betty Masno who writes:

Read the letter after the break

The Cheap Bastard Writing Challenge!


I'm selling some Beats by Dr. Dre Studio headphones on Craigslist. I came into a few pairs which I got a pretty great deal on by buying online, and so I figured I'd price them low to undercut the other sellers and make a fast profit. Other guys are asking $2-300 for terrible fakes, and so I got a lot of replies very quickly. I was overwhelmed, though, by the number of people that wanted a further discount on these sweet cans. I got offers anywhere from $60-$100 as if I didn't know what other people were selling them for. At first I had a little fun just telling them where to go and making fun of them, but then I had a much better idea. I started sending out the form reply below:

"Due to the large number of requests I get for discounts I am repling with this challenge. The price I have set for these headphones is $150. At Best Buy they retail for $349.99 + HST for a total of $396. For ease I will round this figure up to $400. The challenge I issue is this: Write me a 1000 word essay on why you feel you deserve a discount beyond the 62.5% which I am offering. Most convincing argument gets these headphones at cost (the price I pay), and will have them delivered as so many of you request as well.

Yes, I'm completely serious and happy writing you cheap fucking bastards."

I'll be posting any essays I receive here and I look forward to deciding on the winner together.

Saturday, 14 May 2011


For those of you unaware, At&t is attempting to purchase T-Mobile for $39 billion. Arguments abound for and against, but the consequences of either outcome are mostly the same.

Obviously, as a Canadian citizen I can not speak to the state of the American market specifically, but I am still painfully aware of the negative impact a telecommunications oligopoly and inept conservative government can have on consumers. Every day- data, phone and text services become more integral to how we live our lives, and for that reason I am not against government intervention in the market. Here we have the CRTC, which to keep a long story short, does exactly the opposite of what a regulatory board should. They're a bunch of ass-backwards lobbyist shitheads who push offendingly anti-consumer policies into law on behalf of the companies with which they were previously employed. Canadians have had to deal with data caps on home broadband connections as low as 2GB for years now. The success of this merger and getting screwed by your provider do not preclude each other, and for that reason the argument either way is mostly inconsequential. Until there are significant changes in the way these services are governed, the big 3 (perhaps big two by then) will continue to have their way with consumers.

P.S. Even their fucking office looks evil

Blackberry Bold Touch!


The upcoming Blackberry Bold 9900 and 9930 signify a huge leap for RIM; A company that until this point, has failed to capture the wider interest of the smartphone market. With the intruduction of the Bold 9900/9930, they hope to appeal to consumers by blending BlackBerry utilitarianism with dashing good looks and every feature including the kitchen sink. The phone was just made official at RIM's annual conference BlackBerry World in Orlando.

Where BlackBerries are traditionally modestly powered to preserve battery live , this one packs a 1.2GHz Snapdragon processor to power its 2.8-inch VGA touchscreen with a 287dpi pixel density (just a smidgen below the Retina Display). On the back is a five megapixel camera that also shoots HD video and inside is 8GB of internal storage with the option to expand via a MicroSD card slot. Also included is NFC circuitry which will hopefelly see wider implementation in the future. At 10.5mm it's RIM's thinnest handset yet, featuring a stainless steel circumference and a fiberglass back, while up front of course is the full Bold QWERTY keyboard that the BlackBerry users out there will know and love. The 9900 supports HSPA+ connectivity for theoretical 21.1Mbps speeds which will no doubt be advertised as 4G by the American carriers, while the 9930 is the world variant, adding dual-band CDMA and quad-band GSM to the mix, and both do 802.11a/b/g/n along with Bluetooth 2.1. Both, quite naturally, include the new BlackBerry 7 OS , including a faster browser and voice-activated search. Release has been pegged at Q2 for some time now, but recent rumors suggesting it would see a June-July launch have been pushed back to August.

Being entirely partial to BlackBerry myself, I can hardly wait for this phone! I've been reading every article, rumor and forum post I could find waiting for it to be officially announced... I even called Bell last month to negotiate my contract renewal in anticipation of its release. So, to the Android and iPhone fanboys... What do you think?

Friday, 13 May 2011

Don't Forget to Follow!


I'd hate to lose $20, but I'd hate even more to lose it to Carter so if you're enjoying yourself, don't forget to follow!



I'm wondering if there's someone out there that has any experience with these little marvels of modern science? From what I've heard, the health risks are significantly reduced from those of traditional cigarettes becasue the chemicals used to treat the tobacco leaf are completely absent. An added bonus is that since they are 'smokeless', you should be able to smoke them in more public places! This fact was even a plot device in last year's movie The Tourist in which Johnny Depp's character remarks that the device allows him to smoke wherever he wants. I knew of their existence before they were featured in The Tourist, but I don't think it was until after that they really surged in popularity. They are now available in all shapes, sizes and colours- from name brand kits for $70 to dealextreme sticks for as low as $5. I was hoping someone could share any knowledge on the subject since I'd really like one, but I'm not sure if they would help me quit or just help solidify my habit. Thoughts?


This blogger outage sure is a bummer

Enter the Skoo


Sup bitchez

Welcome to my blog! Over the coming months we will explore together what I believe to be the essentialities of modern living; Music, technology and culture. I am Illmaster Mathematics and I will be your host and guide through this social pilgrimage. Nay, though I look just like him I am not related to Steve Urkel so please stop asking.

Embrace the mystery of my identity and embark on this journey with me.